i had a weird day today. in amongst the usual whirlwind of work and life-maintenance, i took time out to visit the nursing home to see my maternal grandmother, who after almost a decade of senility, has finally slipped into a coma, and has only a few more hours to live.

partly it was a bad-weird because i did a lot of nurse-assistant work in nursing homes when i was studying, and it's always quite jarring for me when the patient in the bed is someone i love, rather than just another old smelly person who needs their sheets changing.

but partly it was good-weird, because i've had a lot of friends and family die in the past, but this is the first person i've had a chance to say goodbye to before they died. often i've experienced regret that i didnt get to speak to the person before they died, with the knowledge that this was the last time i'd speak to them. my grandmother wasn't really there to hear me - whatever you want to call the spirit, it had already moved on to a better place - but at least i got to say some stuff that i'd want her to hear if she was still listening from wherever she was now. and i got to hold her hand for a while, think upon old memories, and kiss her cheek one last time, which was surprisingly warm and soft, pretty much like i remember it being all my childhood.

if i was the supreme being, and i was redesigning for Reality 2.0, i think i'd make that a key feature for the upgrade - give everyone some kind of forewarning of impending death and give friends and family a chance to address all the stuff that usually, regrettably, is left until it's too late. for me, the fact that this feature isnt already there in the current release makes me as certain as ever that either there's no supreme being, or that we're beta testers.