Embrace Change!

Start by giving Change an affectionate pat on the shoulder. Or, if you've never met before, try a handshake - Change is very approachable. Now you've made physical contact, take a step closer, and *really* embrace Change - wrapping your arm around his neck and pulling him into a headlock.

Quick, before he has any time to react, punch Change in the face a few times, hard. Then push away, hanging onto one arm, bend, and back into Change's hips, pulling the arm over your shoulder and Change onto your back.

Now, pull down and twist in one fast, graceful move, and Change will flip over your shoulder and land hard at your feet, face up.

Take the hand of the arm you grabbed and twist it up and back, locking the wrist and elbow tight. If you're wearing strong shoes, take this opportunity to land a few hard kicks in the kidneys, ribs or groin. Once you're done kicking (or if you don't have the right shoes) drop one knee onto Change's throat, taking care to restrict - but not crush - the windpipe.

Whisper a few choice words of discouragement.

Now, on your way out the door, ring Status Quo. He's going to love this story. He'll want to buy you a few drinks, and he's a very funny bastard.