George Lucas the Hutt

By the triple chins of Jabba, Chewie, get a load of the neck on George Lucas these days! He looks way too much like the offspring of an unholy union between Colonel Sanders and Boss Nass.

By the way, did you know that according to the Landover Baptist Church, you can buy a life-sized Jar Jar Binks sex doll?

"Meesah wanna takem Jar Jar now, Naboo-style, lovem long time, long time!"

Where do I get my own Jar Jar Bonks? According to those guardians of truth, justice and purity at the Church, it comes with ...four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure! How good is that? And unlike a human female sex-doll, you don't have to pretend you're only using it to drive in the carpool lane - you only have to admit that you're a tragic Star Wars groupie (granted, only slightly less embarassing.)

I waded through 8 lengthy pages of eBay listings to find what I think is the doll in question, though I'm having a bit of trouble spotting the "openings" and "extrusions" they have in mind from the photos included in the listing. So, I've done the right thing and asked the seller a question about it:

Say, this is not the Jar Jar Binks doll that has been recommended as a sex toy, is it? If so, has it been dry-cleaned?

...I'll let you know what they say.